kindness and care

Mom called me from the hotel Saturday night. She'd been with Aunt Helen. I have to admit that I feel left out -- most of the family has elected to see her before she passes and spend time with her. I was kind of delegated to take care of the dogs and go to the funeral. I expressed the desire to see her, but it would be difficult to drive down in one day, see her, then drive back. Eight hours on the road, with the dogs cooped up in the house.

Anyway, I'm writing because of the treatment mom is getting there. All the kids are gathered at the house, and mom is getting all the time she wants with her last aunt. She sits with her as she sleeps, and when possible, they speak. Mom says that Aunt Helen recognizes her sometimes, and when mom asks, "Do you know who my mama was?" Aunt Helen replies, "You're Dahlia's daughter. I really loved her." My grandmother was the baby of the family. Aunt Helen was one of the oldest girls. Her voice changes when she says "I really loved her," a deep, slow tone, ripe with remembering.

Not everything comes to her. She sees my dad and can't remember who he belongs to. "Whose boy is that?" Spouses are late additions to the family tree, and not immediately recognizable.

And in the midst of it all are her sons. Fine boys who were raised to be very tough, raised to be honest and strong, and who are now men, quietly wiping their mother's lips with medicated cloths to keep her mouth moist, and who quietly do her care each night, changing a diaper, cleaning her as they were cared for in their beginning. They think nothing of it, and they take special care with my mother as well, who traveled all this way to spend last moments with family. I'm proud of my family for the kindness and care they show to each other as the dying process rolls on. Since it cannot be stopped, it is good to have people there who are practiced in the healing arts, in the resting arts, knowledgeable about what is important in these moments and what is not. Helen raised good boys and a fine daughter, and they have become good men, and a fine lady.

--Laura