downtime

I like the holidays. I like when they end.
My parents left today. We had a good visit. They got to see one of my favorite museums. We enjoyed good food, thanks to my favorite Five O'Clock Chef. We had quiet time we needed to share with one another.
Today, it's time to prepare for next week. Wash linens, remake beds, prepare lunches. This while my dogs move only to follow the sunlight as it streams through my glassed front door, picking a new place to sleep with its changing location. When they woke up though, I put the leash on them and walked them around the block. In the evening, I'll take them again. Because it's back to work. It's back to routine, at least for a while. Routine plus! Plus obligations, plus Christmas preparations. Plus gift buying.
One night, as my mom and I drifted off to sleep, I told her how intimidated I was by the thought of selling a house -- the first I'd ever done it. She told me I was a strong person, both mentally and physically. I think part of that is what good mothers tell their children when they are expressing doubt in their own abilities. She doesn't tend to judge my failings. She's the kind of mother who acknowledges that some things are tougher than others, while stepping back to let me seek my own victories.
Now that my debt is under control, I have one issue over which I am seeking victory. I won't discuss it now, partly because it's a private matter and partly because quite frankly I'm concerned about failure. In generic terms, I'll say it hinges on consistency. It's something which, if not taken more seriously, will impact my future to a greater and greater degree. It's also something which will impact my ability to enjoy my move and my dream to become a store owner.
So, in the category of "knowing what I can control and what I can't," I'm going to worry less about being upside down in my house. I'm going to worry less about selling or renting the house when the time is right -- there are professionals out there who make it their business to make those things happen. And I'm going to worry less that I'm moving for all the wrong reasons, the end result that I'll leave family and good friends behind, and not find satisfying connections in Colorado.
Instead, I'm going to concentrate on gaining some consistency in an area of my life that's immediately in front of me, because I know that I'm smart enough to deal with what's ahead. But I need to believe that the obstacle directly in front of me isn't standing in my way, but is truly the preparation I need to master, because it will train me and prepare me for the future.

-Laura