Fall Migration

Kennesaw Mountain park is the site of tons of history for our area. The park preserves important sites in the Atlanta Campaign. This was an epic battle between Sherman and Johnston, and the mountain itself was a killing field for something like 4000 soldiers.
It's kind of nice that now it's one of the most heavily used parks in the area. If you arrive BEFORE the place opens, you have a chance of getting a spot to park. Otherwise, plan to park and walk in. It's also nice that it's ranked as an Important Birding Area.
I love taking guided walks with Audubon Society Guides. I have never met a guide who wasn't wicked smart, not just about identification, but about overall birding behavior. They will give you tips about optics, and help you distinguish between even the most similar birds. And for us, the day began with a caution.
Fall migration is one of the best times to bird in this location. It's described as a huge landing strip for all the birds heading to warmer climates. Unfortunately, the weather here as been GREAT. That's a problem. Because GREAT weather doesn't drag the birds to the ground like a nice wet and cold front would. So, instead of stopping here to fill up and get a happy meal for the teenagers, the birds do the equivalent of "driving until nightfall." Sounds like lots of them won't slow down until Florida.
Now, there are pros and cons to being alone and being with guides. We had a large group today, around 30 birders. Loud birders. The things I like about birding include nature, solitude and quiet, so that's a big consideration for me. On the other hand, I love being with the pros. Today, we were led by Chuck.
Imagine getting your morning exercise in - over a mile on a fairly steep grade. Imagine heading back down the moutain, thinking about that great breakfast you're planning. Imagine hearing this.
"YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS! IT IS A BLACKBURNIAN! OH THAT MAKES THE TRIP FOR ME."
Chalk up another positive to birding with a group. I love the geekiness attached to it like a veil of morning dew on an open field. There's no set meeting point for the bird walk in Kennesaw Mtn., but you have absolutely no difficulty locating the birders. Muted colored clothes, cargo pants so no one has to carry bags, low profile caps, binoculars in one hand (often with harnesses to avoid neck strain), and Sibley guide books tucked in back pockets.
You can also find them on any trail, if they are walking in a group. They are the big blob of humanity that moves in unison, stopping, staring into trees and pointing with binoculars. And though all the action takes place yards away, the collective gasps also come in unison.
Look! he moved!
Over there!
Between the V of the tree! Up there!
I admit it. I did it too. Particularly when I saw the Peregrine Falcon and the Yellow-Billed Cuckoo.
More than once, walkers on the way up or down would stop, try to follow where we were looking, and then walk on. One even said, "I wish I knew what they were looking at."
Yep. I like that too. We had the keys to secret knowledge on top of the mountain.
So, what did we see?

White-eyed vireo
Red-eyed vireo
Philadelphia Vireo
Yellow-throated Vireo
Swainson's Thrush
Blue-Grey Gnatcatcher
Sharp-shinned hawk
Peregrine falcon
Yellow-Billed cuckoos (beautiful, and I think my favorite spotting today
Cliff swallows
Chestnut-sided Warbler
Magnolia Warbler
Blackburnian Warbler
Black and white Warbler
Tennessee Warbler
Black-throated Green warbler
Eastern Wood Pewee (which I thought was a Phoebe)
Goldfinches
Red-Bellied Woodpecker
Downy Woodpecker
Summer tanager
Scarlet tanger (who aren't scarlet right now, but a sweet greenish yellow)
Rose-breasted grosbeak-who sounded his night migration call rather than his usual daytime squeak)
Eastern Phoebe
Brown Thrasher (our state bird)

Not a big day for the pro maybe, but a big day for me. Now to upgrade to the 8x40 binoculars. Or maybe 10x50.

--Laura

Unburdening

I've been quiet lately. I mean, I made an entire post from a conversation I had with a customer about her divorce. Her ex- had fought over every aspect of it for two years, then ended up with someone much less put-together than this lovely, charming lady. I admire her a little. She has a life helping people. All over the country. All over the world. Have you ever organized a project that built 15 houses in 3 days? Me either.

Why have I been quiet? Well, the short answer is that I've been in repair mode. What's that, you may ask. Well. I'm about to turn 40 years old. Milestones like that are catalysts for self-reflection. And let's just say this: I'm hoping they are right about 50 being the new 40, because I feel like my 30's rushed by without me giving the decade the zest and verve it deserved.

In the past, I've posted lots of bravado about paying down my debt and getting ready for the changes to come in my life. The reality is that I fear all the time that I will not pull this off by myself. And my biggest fear is not that I'm being patient and disciplined, waiting for the right time to move and Change Everything in a Responsible Manner, but that NOW is the time to move, and because I have been out of step for a decade, I'm behind.

I always feel behind.

I'm done here, in this city. And this feeling of "doneness" isn't because I feel the need to yell "Take this job and shove it." I feel more respected at work than I've felt in a while. But it's not the same as satisfied. It's not the same as feeling fufilled. I don't feel like I'm working towards anything here. Here, I'm spinning my wheels.

OK, so I didn't answer that question about repair mode. Repair mode is me setting up the next bar. I said that I let my 30's slip past me, and I did. It wasn't just with money though. When you get stuck in a rut, it affects many areas of your life. I've even let my genetics catch up with me.

For the past month, I've been eating like I'm diabetic. Because, if I don't lose some weight now, I will be diabetic in 10 years. It's practically written in the stars - both my parents are diabetic. Heart disease runs in the family. And you know what's also in the back of my mind? It runs like a soundtrack. "Who do you think you are, wanting to change everything? You can't even change the thing closest to you? And what are you going to do when you get out there and need all this boundless energy to make things happen? Where is that going to come from?"

I'm 15lbs into my goal. I've found a plan I think not only works, but heals my system as it works. I feel better. I have to keep it up. So I will. And while I'm working on the list of 25 things I need to finish (and budget for) before I can leave, I will also be working on me. So repair mode is recognizing that not all the stones in my road are external issues. Some of the stones are the things I say to myself, to discourage myself. Others are the things I do to myself. The self-destructive things.

Stay tuned.

---Laura

Small Blessings:

It does suck to get dumped, but it IS comforting when the only girl he can get after he breaks up with you is an ugly one.

-Me

Muslims died on 9-11

OK.
The reason for my last post might seem a little vague. But this anniversary for some reason has been so controversial, when all this day should be about is reminding us of one thing: life is fragile. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.
By the way, you can't tell me that in a cosmopolitan city like New York, that there weren't Muslim New Yorkers in that building who died along side all the others. Some reports, naturally, are widely inaccurate, designed to lean sympathies in one way or the other. But I know there were Muslims there. People who lost their lives. To make this some christian holiday of hatred against them not only infuriates me, but isn't even... well... christian.
I was working at Delta Air Lines headquarters the day of the attack. It shut down the campus, after shutting down the internet as so many people tried to connect to it for updates. I sat in the basement all morning with a radio, playing news of what was happening. It felt like being in a bomb shelter. And with just that voice, telling us what was happening, my account manager could simply not fathom that the Twin Towers would collapse. "That's not right," he said. "They are enormous."
They were enormous. Past tense.
I think they are bigger now. In memory. Maybe the memory is getting us all a little crazy? Let's think about this Muslim Community Center debate for one moment.
Who attacked us? Muslims.
Nope. Al-Qaeda attacked us.
Oh. Right. Al-Qaeda.
What is Al-Qaeda? Extremists.
That's closer. Who wants to build near the Twin Towers? Muslims!
That's closer too. Let's go deeper. What kind of Muslims?
American Muslims. New York Muslims. Immigrants and Natural Born Muslims. Not extremists. In fact, I would hazard the guess that they make Al-Qaeda Extremists sweat and itch. These are thriving, healthy American Muslims, with enough personal wealth to build in prime real estate.
How is this an affront to the terror created on 9-11? How is this an affront to the lives that were lost? Seriously? How is this anything MORE than a big old poke in the eye to extremists and their way of life than to plant a big fat moderate, centrist Muslim community center IN the community they tried to destroy? How much prouder should we be than any soldier, stationed in Iraq, who has sacrificed time, connection to home and family and even his life to calm the terror of war there, and revitalize a community in that clearly more war-torn land?
Hey! Dudes? Pluralism works. We're not scared of you. Suck it.
Sorry if my words aren't elegant today. I am not filled with sad remembrance today. I am ready for the future, when we recover from our stumblings and stand tall, with the finest qualities we are capable of.
We're capable. We are.

-Laura

Ruts

So, have you ever had this feeling? The one where the one person you wanted approval and respect from more than just about anyone, actually thinks you're despicable? Or mean? Or a moron? And you know for sure they feel this way? And they know that you know?

Okay. Hold onto that feeling for a minute. Feel the shame wash over you, as you realize that in their eyes, you're the Other. You're the person they joke about to their real friends; they joke about you to people they DO find cool. And you can't shake it off because this isn't a school chum or a bully, or someone you can taunt with "I'm rubber and you're glue and what you say bounces off ME and sticks to YOU."

Because this goes deeper. This isn't a casual thing, this is a Big Thing. And what comes with this feeling, I think, is the terrible realization that you are More Alone Than You Previously Believed.

Just wondering.

--Laura

Boo Colorado

Today I was offered a deal I don't run into every day. I got a below average fare to Denver for Halloween weekend. It fell in my lap in such a way that I decided I had to jump on it.
With luck, I will be kicking up spirits in Colorado real soon.
It was a good day.
Boo.

--Laura

Homestretch Countdown - T-Minus 22

The double edged sword of telling everyone your plans is this: Everyone knows. I think it's easier to quietly let yourself down if you think you can't accomplish something you've set out to do.
I've had that burden on my mind lately. Because now definitely does not seem the time to pack up, quit a job and move halfway across the country, looking for work. Eww. And yet, it's exactly what I want. I travel through my day wondering when I can quit. Am I ready yet? When will I be ready? I have no debt. I have savings. I have the desire to do it.
What I don't have is a job, a place to live in Colorado, or a plan for my house.
Whew. I have never felt so burdened by a single piece of real estate. Less than a half acre. An utter albatross. Yep, that's a bird.
Each time I think about moving, I start making a list of things I need to accomplish before putting the house on the market, either to sell or, more realistically in this market, to rent. The list turns into a steamroller and I'm flattened by it.
My inner little princess is waiting for a prince on a white horse or an experienced fairy godmother. Whichever comes first.
They are late.
I decided to write the list down, just to see what it looked like. Things to do inside, things to do outside the house and things to do to myself - career-building measures.
I came up with 22 items.
Completing the 22 items will not get me to Colorado. They will, however, make the road much smoother, and will give me a lot more flexibility. It's time to chip away at the burden.
Before vacation, I completed one thing on the list already. I'm on my way already.

P.S. for those really interested, the list is below.

--Laura

TO DO – INSIDE HOUSE
1. Paint bathroom
2. Hire electrician for ceiling fan
3. Hire plumber to update bathroom fixtures.
4. Choose tile for kitchen and hire someone to redo the kitchen floor.
5. Dump furniture not coming with me in the move.
6. Paint guest room and bath
7. Paint great room and kitchen
8. Replace windows in bathrooms & possibly the great room.

TO DO – OUTSIDE HOUSE
1. Pull out landscape timbers and burn
2. Remove a diseased tree
3. Remove vines from both fences.
4. Remove stumps from back wall
5. Install edging around trees in front and backyards.
6. Create new birding station in backyard over the site of my burn pile.
7. Create a new patio area in backyard.

TO DO – CAREER BUILDING
1. Dreamweaver – the essentials & Beyond the Basics
2. CSS
3. Flash
4. Build an online resume
5. Build online webpage.
6. Find a host for resume and webpages.
7. Research what is needed to sell bird supplies on my site.