No More Flat Beer

Today was a Monday. In the dining room this morning, my dog had left me a present. I do have hardwoods, but it was still unexpected and unpleasant. She’s usually pretty good to alert me to her need for a quick exit, but this morning there was no warning.

Lesson learned: when I need to calm down my dog before bed, flat beer is not the remedy.

In the time it took to shower, she left me another present. Happy Monday to me! Understandably, I skipped breakfast. That’s what I’m going to blame the next part of the day on. I did one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done. Then when I was unable to solve my mistake, I involved two customer service representatives in my office, and two other designers in different locations. Two people in two states told me that what was happening made no sense. I agreed. I was stumped. It was a software glitch I’d never seen. I would make changes to the file, save it, and when I’d return the file, the changes were gone. The file was probably corrupt.

Hours later I realized what I was doing. I had two files. I was making changes to one and opening the other, and I couldn’t figure out where my changes had gone.

I need a vacation.

It took me most of the day to tell anyone what I’d done. I simply let them know the files were ready and went on with my business. When I stopped to explain, one of the reps explained to me that she did this all the time and not to feel bad.

Oddly enough, that made me think of my dog. She had lost it, twice, on my dining room floor, so why wasn’t I mad with her? Well, because she’s a dog and not perfect. She would have certainly avoided making the mess if it had been within her power.

So why was I so hard on myself?

If I’m being honest, part of it is pride. It was easier for me to imagine that I had a corrupt file on my system than to entertain the idea that I had duplicate files. The minute I deleted the “corrupt” file to start from scratch, I spotted the problem. I wasted a third of my day because I didn’t consider the simplest explanation first. It was a project I’d been pulled in to fix, and I added to the problem.

Okay, so back to the question. Why was I so hard on myself?

A friend made a suggestion recently. He said that I needed to give myself credit for being a good person with a desire to live according to my values. He pointed out that each day we are faced with the temptation to make bad choices which will spare us discomfort or give us a quick fix of something we want. Dieting is like that; there’s always the temptation to eat a candy bar over a healthy meal because it’s sweet and fast. No one avoids the candy bar all the time. But we want to, we try to, and most days we succeed.

This was his suggestion: review your behavior at the end of each day. First, remember what you were most proud of doing (or avoiding) that day. Second, remember your weakest moment of the day. Third, decide what you’ll do differently when you’re faced with the same situation again. In short, find your “Plan B”.

I like it. You start with the good thing you did. One bad thing, short of global annihilation, can’t ruin the whole day unless you let it and that’s important to remember. My day didn’t start off well, but I got home, had a nice meal and discovered that the signal on my wireless router is strong enough to allow me to work outside. At the moment, I’m in a lawn chair with my laptop. The sound of chirping birds is the most relaxing noise I’ve heard all day. It would be even better with lighted tiki torches. Yeah, I need to dig those out of the shed. That would be stellar.

I know. Welcome to the 90’s. Wireless is still a big accomplishment FOR ME.

But back to the exercise. What I also like about it is that it doesn’t require superhuman strength of will. It just asks that you’re honest with yourself for a few minutes at day’s end, which is harder than you might think. It’s tempting to say “I am weak, but through force of will, I will overcome it!” That’s just setting you up to repeat your behavior and get another opportunity to slam yourself for weakness. But this is more realistic. All you have to say is this: Okay, I shouldn’t have done that. Why did I? Well, I know I get into trouble whenever I… and insert your weakness here. This exercise gives you the chance to name your weakness.

Say you’ve been trying to quit smoking and today you lit up. When you think about it, you realize you’re more likely to smoke when you go out drinking with your friend who smokes. So maybe it’s honest to admit that your willpower isn’t where you want it. Decide that next time your friend wants to do something; you’ll suggest a movie instead of a smoky bar. Or if you really can’t avoid the temptation, decide not to hang out with that person for a few months until you’ve been off the cigarettes for a while. It’s up to you, but the point is, you’ve got Plan B rather than a big fat tongue lashing where you’re the bad guy and failure is death. More on this later. I'll let you know how it works out.

Beating my dog this morning wasn’t going to get the mess cleaned up. Beating myself up for not putting them out wasn’t going to get it cleaned up either. I’m going to be watching her pretty close tonight though.

And no more flat beer.

-Laura