Saturday, December 18, 2010

And as we close 2010

Today is cold and rainy. I have a roast on the stove and a dog asleep with her head on my hip. The new park I found can be explored tomorrow when the rain has stopped. My thoughts turn, as I guess is traditional, to reflections on the past year. What can I say about 2010?
I've remained debt free. By August, I saved five grand. I completed 3 of the 25 items needed to ready myself for relocation. I could have done more, but changing the wiring in my house to accommodate the new ceiling fan set me back nearly a grand.
Meanwhile, some things didn't turn out so well, or didn't turn out at all. Emotionally speaking, I invested in someone I really cared for, at every level. He outgrew me. He apologized. I thought it was because he hated hurting someone he loved. I realized it was because he didn't love me, but hadn't wanted to hurt me. I thought he was My Person. Being wrong has officially been the hardest lesson of 2010.
Fair enough. I have spoken up and I don't need to again. Surprisingly, one big lesson I also learned this year came from a random comment made by a person who doesn't know my future plans. The comment was that focusing so much on where you are NOT just emphasizes the deficits in your life. I have done that often this year. Too often. The result was that I've felt anxious and defeated a lot this year too. There were other things I could have been doing. Like practicing birdwatching. Like hiking, camping and being outdoors. Like learning everything I can from park rangers. Like becoming someone I admire more before moving where I want to live, so when I get there I can take full advantage of my surroundings when I get there.
As the year winds down, I think the silver lining amidst a personally rocky year is that with so many personal goals accomplished, I can see more clearly. Eliminating debt has been important, but it wasn't the only thing holding me back. I've been waiting for ideal conditions. I'm a pretty careful person, so that's comfortable for me.
In 2011, I'm going to do it less.

--Laura

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