What's it about?

I turned 40 this weekend.

I believe that people need a month to fully appreciate their birthday, thus my classification of this as my Birthday Month.

Happily, I will be filling the month with Good Things. Celebrations with friends. Things for myself I haven't done in a while. Taking advantage of the weather with hikes exploring Georgia.

In the middle of this, my dad will be getting a total knee replacement. I love him and I know it's going to hurt. But I am sure of one thing. It won't be worse than the pain he's in now. The surgery is unavoidable. Plus, I really want a better life for him. While dad is in rehab, mom will be my roommate.

Added to that, I will be meeting new people this month. There will be a long overdue trip to Colorado for Halloween. And on this trip, unless there's a blizzard, I will go birding in another time zone.

This year has involved lots of trial and error for me. I've set deadlines for myself. Aside from the financial goals, I've missed every target. That's been more than discouraging.

I presume most people reading this blog have encountered situations beyond their control. The feeling of powerlessness over that situation is one I don't wish on anyone, just as I realize, like the knee surgery, that it's unavoidable. Two weeks ago, a friend of mine quit his job. The bank will take his truck and house. His dad rented him a car and he moved to Florida with distinctly less than $1000 in his pocket. He is prepared to live with friends. He is prepared to work at a grocery store. And despite the desparation in that act, it carried the scent of temptation all over it. How easy would it be? And me, with distinctly more than $1000 in my pocket. Couldn't I go balls to the walls and make that happen? Wouldn't people applaud my guts?

I have worked hard to be more responsible. After the applause fades, I have no free ride to the next chapter of my life. There's no reassuring security of a special person or place waiting for me when I turn the page. I panic about this. I am not perversely opposed to companionship. I don't have the spirit of a gypsy. Why aren't I irresistible? What's taking so long? This is but a sample of what runs through my head.

Then, I take a step back. I notice wheels turning. I notice people who'd never view me as more than a designer describing my bird store, because of things I've said. Random conversations reveal previously unknown sources of support and resolutions for conflict. Dots connect. Even though it feels like I'm waiting, I'm not. I'm becoming who I want to be, even here and now.

I'm not hesitating at the edge of a finished bridge. I'm building a new freaking bridge. It doesn't take longer because I'm slow and lazy. It doesn't take longer because I doubt where this bridge is headed. It just takes longer to build a new bridge, period.

You may not find anything interesting in this bridge building. Believe me, some planks are more pleasant to nail down than others. My theory though is that if you're reading this, you have some interest in the outcome. You may just hope that I succeed. Maybe you even have an attraction for good craftsmanship that takes time and patience to put together.

If so, I have an excellent person you have to meet: Me. Don't miss the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of this seriously rewarding investment.

--Laura - now in her 40th year--