ships of safety

So, I discovered the Indigo Girls just before I arrived at college. It's kind of cliche to say this, but they wrote the soundtrack for many of those years. They were Georgia girls. They are still Georgia girls. I remember how excited I was to see them at the Fox Theatre in Boulder.
It was college. It was live music. I had left the farm. It was also the first time it dawned on me that they were lesbians.
There's no real point to that story, just a random memory about how truly clueless I can be sometimes.
So after a frustrating day at work, I cranked the key on Pearly Lee and blasting from the stereo (yes, old Pearly Lee still has a tape deck and AM/FM radio), was Amy and Emily, singing Closer to Fine. At other times in my life, there was a phrase in the song I identified with.

I spent four years prostrate to the Higher Mind, got my paper and I was free.

That meant something poignant to my degree-seeking self. So true, I felt. So true.
Tonight though, I heard a different part of the song:

Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

The truth in the words became clear. I think when it boils right down to it, it's hard to believe that there's good out there for you, unless someone is telling you constantly. What falls in your lap is yours to keep, but accomplishments beyond that require a certain confidence that you deserve them. The downside though is that when you accept the ship of safety, not only does it become your only life experience, it can surprise the hell out of you by not being safe at all. Ships of safety can drag you straight to the bottom. Even more telling, you can ride it to the bottom willingly, thinking you're protecting yourself.
What's your ship of safety? What's the lie you're listening to? Crawling to shore takes some effort. Believe me, I'm learning this first hand. True, I would like a more constant source of positive affirmation to make it easier.
We, who are about to jump ship, salute you.
--Laura