get the lead out - part V

So, after all that exhausting buildup, are you still with me? Do you still want to know the plan?
In broadest terms, the idea is simple. I am moving back to Colorado, where I went to college. When the timing is right, I’m opening a retail store catering to birdwatchers and birders.
This isn’t an elaborate plan. Granted, it would be a lot easier to pull off if I were still renting an apartment, or if my belongings fit inside a Ford Escort like they did a few years ago. It would also be a lot easier if I had money or retail experience.
So why do I want to do this, something which involves so many things I’ve never done before? And why do I believe I’d be successful doing it? You might be surprised by my answer. I don’t know.
That might sound incredibly foolish, but I will offer this to you. If you’d asked why I wanted to work for a small printer in north Georgia, I would have the same answer. “I don’t know. I need to make a living.”
That’s all I understood about myself then. I needed to accommodate my financial needs and my life would take care of itself. I think lots of people manage to appropriately separate their working life from their living life. Goodness knows that I’ve tried and become successful at it. But I don’t want to be successful at it anymore. I want them to match. I want to be completely impractical and find work that expresses who I am and what I believe.
My mom knew from a young age that she wanted to be a nurse, and I was always just a little jealous of that clarity. I’ve now come to realize that not knowing what I wanted to do has gifted me with the ability to do many things, if I can find the meaning for myself in the task. Is it a little oddball to reach 38 years old, wanting to open a business? I can see that point of view, but this isn’t just any business, it’s a business run the way I think they should be run. I see it more of a vehicle than a destination, a way to network within my community. In particular, the nature themed store becomes a way to support and advocate for a more natural lifestyle, a greener profile, a source of information and education about the natural surroundings, a way of educating and entertaining children and adults, and forming relationships within the business community.
And I want to live in the same community that supports my store. I want to walk to work. I want people to know that I belong there. I want my neighbors to visit my store and walk out with items I can vouch for.
So what if I didn’t know I wanted to be a birdwatcher when I was 13 years old? I came to it a little late. But I like watching birds. I like being outside. I can learn what I need to know and share this with other people. It is the vehicle to get me to a place where I not only make a living, but a life.
More on this after Labor Day. I'm taking a break from thinking so darn hard, and I'm going fishing.
--Laura