Doing Each Day

Earlier today, my friend sent me an email... Laura, we need to go to Home Depot this week. They are closing stores and you should be able to get a good deal on the tile for your kitchen. Don't you think, if you're moving in October, that you should get started????

Just like that. With all those extra question marks. This caused my first panic attack of the morning at work. I figure this is like morning sickness for the anal retentive.

I replied... It's a good suggestion, but I'm putting substantial money each month... no, each paycheck, on my credit card. Then I'm putting the extra in savings. Then I'm setting aside MORE in my new credit union in Colorado, because I need to have a moving budget. By October. I don't have a lot extra for the tile or the materials.

My friend replied... You are on a big journey and you are figuring out more each day and it will all come to you and if you need a place to store materials if you want to buy them over time, you know you can use my garage.

I replied... We should look at tile.

That's not unusual for me these days. In fact, it's pretty darn normal. Each day a new things occurs to me. Can I sell my house? I don't know. I haven't made big repairs on the house in years, so what if it has something wrong with it when I try to sell? Will it need a new roof? A new furnace? Can I rent it? I feel pretty confident that it can rent. What can I rent in Colorado? Well, I've found affordable (but small) places in each city I'm interested in. Can I find work? Another unknown, definitely, but I'm encouraged that by October I will be in another position within my company, which will open LOTS of opportunities for me.

But what about the trees on my property? They don't look good, why is that? What about the holes I need to fill? Should I plant a garden this year or put in roses to make the place pretty for renters? Should I replace the windows? They need upgrading. How is the roof? What about ceiling fans?

I've been reading the Longmont Times-Call, the Coloradoan (Ft. Collins) and the Loveland Reporter Herald, all for the business section. I really like the business section writer for the Longmont paper, but is he accurate? Is the city really doomed in trying to revitalize downtown? Ft. Collins seems to place a higher value on going green, but Longmont is also working on it. Loveland seems too expensive a place to live, but maybe that makes it a perfect place for a business.

I have no idea.

I've got to have someone look at the trees. I've got to have someone look at the tile. I've got to get the dogs their shots. I've got to get rid of clothes. I've got to haul away the couch. I've got to haul away LOTS of stuff if I'm going to live in something that's less than 800 square feet.

See, having a measure of faith in myself means believing that I will find out what I don't know. It means that even if I don't have the resources right now, I will have them in the future. It means that what I'm learning will serve me when the time comes. This experience has shown me just who has faith in me and who doesn't. It's been eye opening. I wonder how long I've been my own worst enemy. I wonder if I've even sabotaged my own biggest desires, tossing them away instead of putting effort into them, thinking I was protecting them.

Getting that back, I think, means doing each day. Doing each day like I knew I was going to get through it knowing more than I knew the day before.