Sometimes It Really Helps

I ate with a friend last night, someone I hadn't seen in about a year. He invited me out to celebrate retiring my loan debt. Naturally, I asked how he was. I was heartened to discover that he was doing great.

I am working harder than I have in my life, but I'm doing what I most wanted to do.

And as it turns out, he's doing wonderful work, and it's going to make a big difference in people's lives. He's using his administrative skills to organize a wonderful group of professionals who will be offering free health services to the elderly and immigrant population. I was stunned by the depth of his involvement.

A few years ago when we lived closer, my friend was someone I respected. Intelligent and charming, I enjoyed him immensely, but always wondered why he was in his chosen profession, which is something in social services. He always seemed so introverted. He was always so hands off with others, so closed-lipped about himself. The first year I knew him, he didn't even tell me it was his birthday until weeks after it had passed.

Last night, he told me about a meal he prepared for 250 homeless people. And a fundraiser he held before that to raise the money needed for that dinner. And the people he'd met who helped him. And so I asked him what he thought made the difference. What he said was a lesson to me.

I realized that I was on guard emotionally, all the time. A few unhealthy people had authority over me, and I withdrew from everything. I didn't realize how withdrawn I had become.

So I've thought about that today. He explained to me that as he learned to open up to the people around him who offered encouragement and support, he realized that something nice was happening. He was beginning to shine. Not in the competitive sense really, but he was just happier. He smiled more. He rejected discouragement more. As a result, the people who were so negative had less to say. They had less authority. They had less of an impact. He began making a difference more. He began succeeding more. He began drawing people to himself who were also looking to do good things, looking to shine.

I'm not a writer of inspirational manuals, so I don't have a 12 step plan describing how this happened. But it did, obviously. I am finding the same thing happening to me.

Not every day though. Some days, I feel discouraged. I can't do this, I think. I have dreams out of my reach, and who am I to try this all by myself?

That's when it really helps to have dinner and kind words from a friend.

--Laura