Random Monday Thoughts

I didn't get to the Museum Days on Saturday. I was planning to tour the Southern Civil War and Locomotive Museum, and it would have been outdoors. The thought of being close to possible poison ivy infestation again made me cringe. I am still itchy from my adventures this past month.

So I mowed the yard. With a weedeater. My mower is busted. I'm sure it's not serious, but I can't fix it.

But that's a task I'm going to put off until next spring. In the meantime, I'm going to pay down a student loan. If I'm able to stay focused, it will be paid off before the grass is green again.

I learned recently that the only real mark against my credit is my debt load. In this troubling economy, I feel fortunate. I can put extra money on the two debts I still have. I have a great dad who also works with me on a one of these debts, both by keeping me focused and by making a contribution "to the cause" each time he sees that I have made a payment of my own. I am not getting behind, I am getting ahead. And when I compare my situation with others, my debts are pretty small indeed. Once they are paid, I will have plans in place to steer my financial independence into a new life for myself. It's something I find exciting, and I don't even see the entire picture yet.

Most of the canvas of my life remains to be painted.

There are days when I'm impatient to move forward. And then a day like today happens, when the economy pops and the government buyout plan fails. I see clearly on days like today that even if I was in the position financially to carry out some of my plans, the economy wouldn't be ready for me. Eventually it will be, and by then, I will be ready to put some of those larger plans into action.

But I have smaller plans too. Smaller chunks that include my personal life and not just what I want in a career. And I can work on those smaller, personal chunks today. I don't have to have the entire picture of my life painted and drying on canvas before I make my first step. Who would even want that?

So here's a goalgetter revelation. I'm going to leave Atlanta in 2009. There, I've said it. I'm tired of the traffic. I'm tired of where I'm working. I'm tired of making the best of a bad situation. I moved here to further my career and improve my quality of life and neither one happened. I gave it a long and honest shot. I waited for my reward as a thoughtful and diligent employee. But that reward is not coming. So I'm going to do this for myself. And I don't want to live in the south anymore. I've made friends here. I've made good friends here. I've become part of a community. But it is not my home.

A while ago, I graduated from a college in Colorado and I came back to the south to be near my family, and also, frankly, because I didn't have any better ideas. I've reflected on that decision a lot this past year, and I realized something. It was a mistake. I should have stayed out there. I should have gotten my knuckles bruised. I should have taken my hard knocks. Because bruises and knocks are unavoidable, and because Colorado is where I felt at home. I didn't spare myself any hardships, or avoid any tough lessons. But I think I have less to show for my hard work, because I'm not happy with where I am.

So I'm going to change it.

--Laura