On Instant Gratification

On instant gratification, originally uploaded by lalapapawawa.

I think one of the biggest enemies to the human condition is the lure of instant gratification.

I see the signs of this where I work. I've been with the same company for 13 years, and in that time I've witnessed the shift from quality to productivity firsthand. People haven't changed, but what we're expected to accomplish - and how quickly we're expected to accomplish it - has changed. Dramatically. Profoundly. Has it made us better or faster? Well, yes and no.

As a company, we process lots of work. Our productivity scores reflect this. Every morning, I receive an email from my supervisor listing me, along with all the other designers in the company, showing how many hours of work I processed yesterday and how many hours she's assigned me for today. This way, we all get to compare each other's productivity, just to see how we stack up.

What this doesn't tell you is how often we've had to email someone people with questions because they handed out instructions they hadn't bothered to understand themselves. It doesn't tell you how many "reworks" we had to make because someone really didn't bother to explain what they wanted.

In other words, the wheels of productivity are turning along happily, but the belt that drives the engine is slipping. The wheel is technology. The belt is the employee. And the employee is on information overload, expected to keep up with changing technology, corporate downsizing, stagnant wages and increased productivity demands.

All owing to that lure of instant gratification. Faster, more and sooner. Now, please.

What does this do to us, over time? Does it change who we are? Does it change how we think? Does it change the value we place on relationships when everyone, including ourselves, is this expendable?

I think it does. You can see so many examples. People really aren't all that different than they were fifty years ago. But our toys have gotten faster and stronger and in some ways more powerful, so the damage they can do has become greater and more costly. And the unforeseen byproduct of demanding this shift in the marketplace has been a change in the way people treat each other at home.

Let's face it, instant gratification is a shortcut. We have always been enticed by shortcuts. But they often spell failure. Do you want instant wealth? Buy into this moneymaking scheme. Do you want quick weight loss? Pay for this surgery. Do you want to dull the pain inside you? Take this pill, have a drink. Are you lonely, needing to feel connected to someone? Sexual passion will make you feel desirable again.

Any gardener will tell you that if you don't prepare the soil properly, plants may spring up quickly, but at the first sign of bad weather, they die. Their root structure, the part which keeps them nourished and healthy, never had the time to develop. And while they look good on the surface, the story beneath the surface is very different. Those plants aren't going to make it; they aren't going to produce a good harvest.

And just so, the bubble will burst on the moneymaking scheme. The person who lost all that weight will have developed little discipline to keep it off over time. The pills and the drink will be used frequently enough to affect other areas of your life. And the sexual passion will do little to lead you to real intimacy with your partner, where you can depend on them without feeling weak, or speak to them honestly about the hidden places in your heart.

Wow, no wonder people are so depressed and dissatisfied. How would we be otherwise? We've been so betrayed by this pipe dream. You too can have it all! Trust us!

What a crock.

Think about this for a minute. When we seek instant gratification, what are we actually asking for anyway?

Think about those emails you get everyday at work. How many do you delete unread? How many do you scan? How many do you take the time to read for comprehension? My guess would be very few.

So why do we use the same behavior at home, skimming over the details of our lives? What does it gain? When we don't take the time to process our feelings, deal with old hurts, listen to our hearts and build our connections to each other, aren't we treating our own lives with the same disregard? What is the impact of this but shallow, dishonest connections with your own insides and shallow, dishonest connections with others?

So goes instant gratification. Quick fix. Long term failure. It acts like an illicit drug, providing temporary relief without nourishment.

A friend of mine once asked me what I wanted for myself and my future. The temptation in me was to outline a five- or ten-year plan that went something like: career advancement, get the house finished to my liking, love, marriage, family, etc. But when I really thought about it, I realized that none of those things really summed up what I wanted for myself.

I want my actions and my lifestyle to reflect my beliefs. I want to act on my beliefs more often. That's what I said to him. Because I felt then and now that actions speak louder than words.

I tell that story because identifying the ills of instant gratification doesn't correct them. I can't change the corporate culture in which I work. So here's the thing. If I dislike the failures which accompany a life seeking instant gratification, complaining about my company isn't going to accomplish much. But resisting the lure of this pattern myself may just accomplish a lot.

And the only way to avoid the pattern is to allow myself some time. Not a timetable, but time - to stop skimming through my life and start listening to my own feelings and desires so that I understand them.

Because if I prefer intimate relationships to idealized fantasies, I should learn to be healthy for myself and the people in my life. I should also seek honest relationships, and not just something to solve the problem of loneliness. No single person - friend or lover - should bear the pressure of being my everything. I can be a better friend than that. A better partner. A better lover. And so can anyone else.

With time.

Time is something I'm learning to appreciate. It's my new weapon against past mistakes. And future ones.

--Laura