Random Wednesday

In stark contrast to last week, this week has been without turmoil. My car passed emissions, work has been steady, and I've made more headway toward paying off my student loan ahead of schedule.

Plus, tomorrow is my birthday.

Birthdays for adults aren't the same as for kids, eagerly awaiting the excesses of toys and sugar and party games. I think for me, they serve as reminders, as a time for evaluation and assessment, and as a way to set milestones. For example, I spent one birthday with friends in a plaza in Madrid. This year, I will spend it with friends in a restaurant in Buckhead.

There is special significance to my birthday this year. I decided in the last few days to tailor my original statement about being in Colorado by 2009. I looked at my driver's license as I was driving home a few days ago and I realized that it will expire on my birthday next year. So I decided to be more specific. I decided that I will not renew this driver's license. My next license will be from Colorado, and I will celebrate my birthday there. It will take some time before I know if I will make my birthday with months to spare or if I will make it by the skin of my teeth. We'll just see.

I suppose it sounds sentimental to set a goal like that around your birthday. First, I'll tell you that I did it because I'm realistically on track to make it happen. Even after months, I am still on track to pay off debt #1 by January. Clearing debt #1 will free up reserves for debt #2.

I realize that clearing debt doesn't get me moved, but I've made progress there as well. I've spoken to someone who is buying homes in the area, not to fix up and sell, but to fix up and rent. It turns out that this economy has required many people to rent because they can't qualify for loans. It turns out, there are property managers out there who will take care of my property, and it turns out that I can afford them. As I was saying to my mother, heck, I'd love to have those people manage my property NOW. The point however, is that I'm no longer worried about the house. It will rent until it can be sold. I will put it in hands more capable than my own to maintain it, and I will move. The house will not hold me back.

Will I transfer with my company or get a new job? Well, hand me $150K and I'd buy a franchise in one lucky Colorado city, set up shop and live off ramen until the business began to prosper. Odds are, however, that not only will no one hand me $150K, but no business started right now to sell birdwatching supplies would prosper. But I realized one thing recently. I really don't need to wait for market conditions to begin my life. I can pinch pennies just as well in CO as I can in GA. How exactly will I do this? I don't know, today. All I know is that I will do it. With debt#1 and debt#2 gone, I will need a lot less to live on for a while, and that will help. A job will not hold me back.

So I refined my arrival date to "by October 2009" because I realistically believe I can manage it alone. But I'll tell you, I don't mind if the goal is a little sentimental too. I'm a sentimental person. As much as I like taking care of business with my head on straight, I also like being cared for. Because, the truth is, while I can do this alone, with discipline to pay off these debts and courage to put my house in the hands of a property manager, I don't want to do this next year alone. I'm sure I will need the patience and support and encouragement of those who love me, because there's something I believe is true: if those who love me will have some faith in me and invest in me this year, I will be richer than if I'd been handed $150K. And I sincerely believe that they will be too. By a longshot.

So on the eve of my birthday -- to all those who've been a gift and a blessing in my life this year -- I love you. Thank you for all the support you've given me. I hope I have done the same. Here's to another year.

- Laura

I Believe in Community

I got a great email from my dad's cousin yesterday. She said she was going through boxes, and had found lots of Burke papers - birth and marriage certificates, First Communion documents, stuff like that. She wanted to know if I'd like to have it.

Of course I did.

I returned her email with a chatty one of my own, and among other bits of news, I shared some of my latest goals with her. I find that expressing my goals has become easier these days. When my priest asked what had been going on for me lately, I told him as well. There's a calculated reason for this. I believe in community.

When I was younger, I used to have a negative opinion of community. I viewed them as oppressive and restrictive, viewed the people as nosy and judgmental. Certainly, some communities can be. But there's a subtle line there, and it's worth noting. When you let a community tell you who you are, they will control your life. But when you tell a community who you are, they will support you instead. And in fact, if you share with a community not only who you are, but who you want to be, whenever possible they will help you get there.

When you're a kid, that means the adults in the neighborhood will buy the worst tasting beverage imaginable from your lemonade stand and declare that it's fabulous. When you're an adult, that means they encourage you, tease you, quiz you, and hold your feet to the fire while you develop your plans. Their persistence can sometimes even substitute for your own, reminding you that your goals aren't all in your head.

In fact, just the other day when I confessed to a friend that my goals were big and scary, she did just what a community member does. She gently encouraged me to get over it, with these words: Dreams are no more scary than real life. If your dreams were unrealistic, you'd know it. But you know they aren't.

This may not seem connected to the memorabilia I mentioned earlier. I was reminded however of a piece of family history I already have. In these obituaries, you see people, recently deceased, being described by the loved ones they left behind. You can't help but wonder how you'd be described if someone were writing yours.

These family members had a loving community to miss them when they were gone, a community that knew who they were. So at my age, as I am reconnecting with who I am and who I always wanted to be, I acknowledge not only that I have dreams, but that I can nurture them into reality. I find that I want my community to know that the dreams are as much a part of me as the real bits they already know about. I'm not afraid of telling them in case I were to fail and embarrass myself. In fact, I'm not even afraid of falling or failing anymore, I'm just afraid of not trying. And I need them, along with my family, to remind and encourage me to keep trying.

That's how hard things get done. With help. And when you know that getting help will definitely make hard things easier, don't you want everyone to know?

--Laura