need a new religion

I respect the old adage about never discussing politics or religion in mixed company. I think I avoid both for the same reason -- I don't expect humans to be perfect, so I don't make promises for others. I don't boast about how good OTHERS are. I know how hard it is to be good myself.
Having said that, I'm Roman Catholic. I converted over 10 years ago.
And I'm writing because my church disappoints me. I know there are plenty out there who'd respond with, "it took you long enough." To that, I would only ask for some deference; if you know me, you know that I do not push beliefs on others, so I think it's reasonable for me to request the same. In the past, the church has been a source of comfort, instruction, community and support for me. Would I have those things without it? Possibly. As it happens, I don't need to find out.
However, when you love someone but never hold them accountable for their actions because you fear how that would impact the relationship, that's not love. The element of fear unbalances it. By the same token, for some time now I have been attending my local church, taking communion during weekend mass, yet feeling so dismayed by the Roman leadership. It's time to say something. Perhaps past time. But it is my obligation. So here goes. I disagree.
I disagree... with my church's stance with Protestant and other christian churches, denying them both equal status and us the promise of intercommunion. I disagree... with my church's stance with Jews and Muslims, discounting all history not fitting neatly into the church's view of itself... with the church's position in Africa, toward contraception and HIV/AIDS... with the church's position on evolution and stem cell research.
The church is turning in on itself, an embattled entity circling the wagons. More ominously, a snake swallowing its own tail. Truly endangered, I think, is the ability to call for or enact reform. A body which does no self-examination, no self-reflection, is destined for corruption. And as a result, I disagree with the terrible isolation this is creating for the thousands of priests and religious who operate in a vacuum everyday, overtaxed and under supported emotionally, financially and spiritually.
My church isn't headed for corruption. It is there. We are not living a a new era of conservatism. I may not agree with the basic tenets of conservatism, but I can respect it. It holds an internal consistency and logic. It stands for something. What is happening is something different, operating under the guise of comforting conservatism, but with no consistency, operating solely for the purpose of protecting and preserving itself.
That description is strikingly similar to the one you'd use to describe a cornered animal.
Hans Kung calls this a collapse of trust. He is right. He is right.
You may be asking why I'm writing about it, and why I don't just leave. If you don't like cable, you cancel your subscription. Here's the thing though, my faith isn't just about what it does for me. It's about what I do with it too, and what expressing my gifts does for both the greater good and myself. Walking away says I don't care. And I do care. I'm ashamed of all this crap, quite frankly. Having people in my life to hold me accountable makes me a better person. So why is my church exempt? Why is it hellbent on the desire to cut itself off from all who would call its actions into question and hold it accountable? We were supposed to be on this trip together. When did the Vicar of Christ remember his other nickname: God's Unworthy Servant?
So here's the thing. I'm saying something, to express frustration, to learn if I'm the only one out here who feels this way. I'm saying something because the church is wrong. I'm saying something because saying something is right.
If you don't care about the topic, I appreciate your patience, and thank you for listening. If you care, I hope you will tell me that too -- whether you agree with me or not. I need community.

--Laura