downtime

I like the holidays. I like when they end.
My parents left today. We had a good visit. They got to see one of my favorite museums. We enjoyed good food, thanks to my favorite Five O'Clock Chef. We had quiet time we needed to share with one another.
Today, it's time to prepare for next week. Wash linens, remake beds, prepare lunches. This while my dogs move only to follow the sunlight as it streams through my glassed front door, picking a new place to sleep with its changing location. When they woke up though, I put the leash on them and walked them around the block. In the evening, I'll take them again. Because it's back to work. It's back to routine, at least for a while. Routine plus! Plus obligations, plus Christmas preparations. Plus gift buying.
One night, as my mom and I drifted off to sleep, I told her how intimidated I was by the thought of selling a house -- the first I'd ever done it. She told me I was a strong person, both mentally and physically. I think part of that is what good mothers tell their children when they are expressing doubt in their own abilities. She doesn't tend to judge my failings. She's the kind of mother who acknowledges that some things are tougher than others, while stepping back to let me seek my own victories.
Now that my debt is under control, I have one issue over which I am seeking victory. I won't discuss it now, partly because it's a private matter and partly because quite frankly I'm concerned about failure. In generic terms, I'll say it hinges on consistency. It's something which, if not taken more seriously, will impact my future to a greater and greater degree. It's also something which will impact my ability to enjoy my move and my dream to become a store owner.
So, in the category of "knowing what I can control and what I can't," I'm going to worry less about being upside down in my house. I'm going to worry less about selling or renting the house when the time is right -- there are professionals out there who make it their business to make those things happen. And I'm going to worry less that I'm moving for all the wrong reasons, the end result that I'll leave family and good friends behind, and not find satisfying connections in Colorado.
Instead, I'm going to concentrate on gaining some consistency in an area of my life that's immediately in front of me, because I know that I'm smart enough to deal with what's ahead. But I need to believe that the obstacle directly in front of me isn't standing in my way, but is truly the preparation I need to master, because it will train me and prepare me for the future.

-Laura

thankful things

I have a bulletin board on my kitchen wall, where most people put notes and phone numbers. I have a list of, well, affirmations if you will. This is what it says:

• I will pay off my debt
• I will finish bootcamp
• I will remodel my backyard
• I will move to Colorado
• I will become a store owner

Well, minus the first one. I just scratched that out. So, normally this is something only a select group of people see or pay attention to. But I didn't erase while I was doing my regular cleaning for company. I've had the week off and my parents came for a visit. Because of this, my aunts and uncle and many of their kids stopped in on Sunday. I'm thankful they visited. All 10 adults and 6 children. I'm VERY thankful they visited for one day.

Well, by the time I noticed, at least two of my cousins had read my affirmations and commented on them. Now normally, I'd regret having my personal business discussed by my family. This week, it just made it feel normal. Yes, it's normal that Laura would have plans.

This week, I've had the opportunity to walk around the block every day with my mom holding my hand for balance. We grab the dogs and go. Two years ago she had a quadruple bypass, and today we made a Thanksgiving meal together. I'm thankful for that.

My dad spent a few hours in the ER this holiday, getting his leg checked out. And as we came out, he got me a cup from McDonalds. I'm thankful for his thoughtfulness.

And for my final thought, I'm thankful that I have direction for the future. I have new resources I didn't have before that debt was paid off. I have investments I need to make in myself, things I've put off for a while. But with the help of friends and family, I'm going to succeed.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE

--Laura

Wednesday

No family gathering would be complete without a trip to the ER. It's interesting that my dad has been to the local hospital more than I have.

--Laura

more layoffs

I've never gotten a pink slip before. I think it must feel pretty bad to lose your job and know you have no hope of finding a new one until at least January. The logical side of your brain tells you that you've got severance and unemployment. The emotional side must still freak out.

It's a surreal thing, to be on a successful account in a failing economy. Worse yet to see people being fired when we have so much to do there's surely room for more staff. Restrictions are everywhere, right at a time when we should be celebrating an achievement.

I'm not complaining. Well, not exactly. I'm just wondering if it's stuff like this -- holding back those individuals who are succeeding because the rest of the company isn't -- if it isn't stuff like this which prevents the economy from bouncing back. If the economy hasn't shell shocked you, wouldn't now be a good time to wake up and stop acting shell shocked?

Just saying.

--Laura